Something I can never have

I find myself rewriting this for a second time, due to technical malfunctions. The Universe did not want me to issue my thoughts as initially intended.


I am plagued by mind's arrogance regarding the depth of reality. That is, increasingly I become impaired by the Universe and its possibility of infinite existence. Everything I see has a beginning and an end, and as a basis for consistency, believe the Universe rightly has both of these. With matter, the issue of time becomes irrelevant. Matter simply is, and, always will be. It neither has a beginning, nor end - it removes the requirement of a creator, and it removes the hope for purpose.

An unwavering demand for answers flows from within me. My strengths to achieve an outcome however, are locked like two poles of a magnet to the demand and not the actual answers I seek. It is a pathetic question, for which the Universe is not willing, nor able, to provide a conclusion. What is the purpose of everything? There isn't any. There isn't any particular meaning, there isn't any particular god wishing or egging for an outcome. There is no love to speak of in our living amongst this Universe. There is existence of bound atoms and not much else.

Awe, as emotion, drives me to take everything life gives - the good and the bad. The sheer remoteness of existence and the requirements to simply have come this far in time, remove any doubts about my expectations. The human mind's relentless attempt at enlightenment falls on deaf ears; I just want something I can never have.

How true it is what Thomas Jefferson had said - "Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you."

For life to make progress, it takes human action. It isn't just thoughts, but objective manipulation that sees advances or movement within one's existence. Wishing won't make it so.

BNB - Is there light over the horizon?

For a man who despises fractional-reserve banking, fiat currency and anything related to money manipulation, the dabbling in margin lending over the past six months seems a retreat on the values and principles I stand for.

Confidence has unquestionably struck my largest investment – Babcock & Brown. Its value is 1/8 of what it was. My hope had foolishly rested in EPS, but when nobody wants a smelly pile of debt laden shares, the market can be brutal. Emotion is probably playing a part it shouldn’t have, and I’ve taken the stance of sinking along with the ship. When I tally up my stock listing and find where at a time was I once debt free, I now see myself owing more money than I have in stock! A brilliant situation.

There is nothing quite like living for a bank and watching your savings seep into a black hole.

Eric Idle is ringing in my ears: ‘always look on the bright side of life…’